Y’all, there is a missing sippy cup somewhere in my house, and I cannot find it. Serious problems, I know. But, I also know that by now that cup of milk is more than curdled so I am at the point of being torn between hoping I find it and hoping NEVER to find it. (Just being honest here so I should probably add that if I do find it, I will be strongly tempted to throw it away without even opening it.)
Yesterday may have been one of my worst motherhood days yet. My daughter let me know in no uncertain terms that I was pretty much ruining her life, and before she headed off to her room, she also threw a few insults in the direction of her little brother who, rather than be angry with her, turned on me and defended his hero until she finally came back downstairs to apologize. Loyalty….but not to me. He proudly announced to his sister that he had told me not to hurt her feelings any more, ignoring the fact that her words had pretty much broken my heart and had taken a good stab at his little one, too. Love is blind, y’all.
I imagine this sort of things will only be more common with the twins.
They love clothes, by the way. If I have to change the clothes of one, the other starts pointing and pulling at her clothes because, clearly, everyone must need a wardrobe change. If she gets a new outfit, I should, too!
This love for changing clothes, looking at clothes and playing with clothes means that no pile of laundry is safe with their little hands around. In less than five minutes while my back was turned, they took the ONLY folded load of laundry in my house full of unfolded loads and spread them all over the living room. And all I can wonder is: Why do I even bother?
Which is exactly what I think when I put dinner on the table because undoubtedly someone doesn’t want something I’ve made. But, they will gobble up a Happy Meal any chance they get. Good grief.
So, I lay in bed at night and wonder what I’m doing wrong, am I doing anything right and how are we going to make it through tomorrow?
And all the while, I think of mothers who cannot feed their families, of children with no clothes to wear, of little ones alone, and I wonder how can I help them see these things? How can I put their complaints in the light of real problems? Harping on and on about starving children in Africa is not the answer, but what is?
The truth is…I don’t know. But I remember plenty of times when I didn’t care either. And, I know that nothing anyone said changed that. Only God did. He opened my heart and showed me the world and made it more important to me. And, he can do the same for them.